Is purity really that important? Men, the world tells us that we are sex addicts and we can’t control it, so give into it. Plus today it is so easily accessible to give into all different sorts of lusts. “No one will know.” “It doesn’t affect them.” “No one will care.” These are all things that we say to justify our sinful desires. But what does pornography really do to you, and to those around you?

If you are looking for an article about the secrets to never watching porn again, then look somewhere else. I am writing this as a man who struggled with addictions to pornography for many years, starting at twelve. For years it was a daily part of my life, and for years I didn’t see it as something wrong. Pornography is destructive, and we need to recognize the severity of this cultural norm.

We are in a war.  “For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places” (Ephesians 6:12). This war is so much bigger than just our physical bodies and our physical parts. It is the enemy attempting to trip us up, to destroy our fellowship with God. All sin is serious and separates us from God. Unrighteous lust is one that more men are tempted by, and yield to.

Let’s get some things straight. Sex is good. Sex was created by God as a gift to mankind for our enjoyment. Sex itself is not evil, but God, as the Creator of all things, also gave a standard on how to fulfill this gift in the right way. Sex is designed to be between one man and one woman in marriage. Anything outside of that is sinful and destructive. This includes pornography, masturbation, fornication, homosexuality, and adultery. Any sexual fulfillment outside of marriage is wrong.

But let’s be real, we are men. How are we supposed to be faithful to one girl both in action and in thought? We are going to lust after women, that is what men do, that is what all men want. After all that must be true because that is what the world tells us, right? WRONG! To a degree. Let’s take a look at what the Bible has to say about sin.

Before someone accepts Jesus Christ as their Savior, they are a slave to their sin. As a slave, you have to do what your master tells you. As a slave to sin, you sin. Those temptations are strong, and we cannot fight those in our own strength. So, yes, as a slave to our sin we will yield to those temptations. But once you believe in Jesus Christ, you are no longer a slave to your sin. Jesus died to set us free from the bondage of sin. So as a believer, Paul tells us in 1 Corinthians 10:13 that:

“No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it.”

This is a promise that is made to believers because we have been granted the victory over sin. But does that mean that we will not fall? No! Until the Lord returns and our bodies are redeemed, we will continue to face temptation, and defeat. But after salvation we are no longer slaves to our sin, and we are promised a way of escape, no matter how strong the temptation may feel. This is not something that is universal to all men, only to believers in Jesus Christ.

So if we have been given victory, and if we have been given a way of escape, then why is it still so difficult. BECAUSE WE ARE IN A WAR!!! Satan is doing whatever he can to break that fellowship that we are able to have with God. As mentioned before, sex was given to us by God. It is a reflection of the goodness of God and a desire that is given to us by God. But any practice outside of God’s plan breaks that fellowship that we are able to have with God. So Satan takes a God given desire, and twists it to glorify men, and attacks us with it over and over and over until we break, and it brings destruction in our lives. And the Church has failed in supporting those fighting this war.

For years, many in the Church have not talked about sex because it is awkward to bring up, but men, we need to talk about sex. Young men are broken under the addiction of pornography and believe that they are the only ones who struggle with that temptation in the church, because it is never talked about.  James 5:16 says “Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. . . .” But we have created a culture where we keep our dirty laundry in the closet and never tell anybody our struggles, and that is not the purpose of the Church. Men, we need to uphold the standard of holiness and purity that is found in the Word of God. We can’t do that if we create a culture in which it is wrong to talk about our struggles.

No war should be fought alone, and we have taken this issue of lust and internalized it and tried to fight it on our own, and we need to stop. We need to come together as a church and fight the temptation of unrighteous lust. We need to come alongside others, and we need to all hold each other accountable to a higher standard, and be forgiving of those who fall. Our job is not to condemn. No, our job is to help pick each other back up and strive towards Christ likeness together. Wearing the right things and saying the churchy stuff does not bring healing. We must transform to the likeness of Christ!

Unrighteous lust not only breaks our fellowship with God, it breaks our fellowship with others. Sin destroys our relationships. The obvious one affected by unrighteous lust is that of our spouses. Whether or not you are currently married, unrighteous lust breaks the trust that you have with whomever you end up with. From fornication to pornography, the decisions that you make now impact your relationships in the future. It will impact your view of sex, and impact the trust that you and your spouse will be able to share. It can damage the joy and fulfillment that God intended to give us through sex, and replaces it with fantasies of what the world tells us is better. Not only will it take away your joy, but her joy.

As men we are called to love. Today we define love as an emotion. “I just don’t love her like I used to.” But love is not an emotion, love is a choice. Love is the choice to take someone else and elevate them above you regardless of the outcome. The kind of love that we are called to have for our wives is the type of love that Jesus shows with the church, which is the sacrificial love that is willing to lay down our lives for them, whether or not they appreciate it. That type of love does not start once you say “I do.” That love is a lifelong commitment to hold yourself for someone to fulfill righteous sex. Anything that takes the place of that is not love.

We also need to recognize that we have a God who understands the temptation of lust. Believe it or not, Jesus was fully man, and endured the same temptations for unrighteous sex that we do. Hebrews 4:15 says “For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin.” While Jesus was here on earth, Satan did everything that he could to get Jesus to sin, to destroy His ability to save the sins of the world. Since Jesus would not yield to the temptations, Satan tried everything. Jesus understands our temptations, and experienced them to the same level, if not more than we do. So if Jesus was tempted in all the ways we are, yet was able to conquer sin, then He has the ability to conquer all sin, even our sin.

It may feel as though you have to give into the sinful temptations for lust, trust me, I am with you. But we don’t. Jesus has overcome and has delivered believers from the bondage of sin. And He did so as someone who understands temptation on all levels. And just to complete His victory, He not only took the sins of the world, but He also rose from the dead just to prove that He was who He claimed to be. Now as believers we are able to rise and walk in newness of life as people who are no longer slaves to our sin. The pull for lust in the life of a man is strong, but over all sin, Christ has overcome.

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